Stressed but happy

I am really stressed about my thesis deadline that is too close really.. And I was NOT in that veru good mood when I meet my team today. We were going to have trainig with Joao, and that went good. Afterwards we had our meeting, wish also was good.... And after all that, I'm just feeling so energized! It felt really good to meet them again, and I still feel stressed, but a lot happier now,

Thank guys.

And I will seriously start working with my time management!! I never want to be in this situation with alll this stress EVER AGAIN.

Another AIESEC week just started

Monday, again. EB and PM-meeting. Loooong meeting, we have so much to discuss, so much to go through. We are prepared for long meetings. ut people get tired and unfocused towards the end, we need more structure, and a fika break maybe. Yes, next time I'll fix that. Got some good input on making the meetings better.

But yeah, the creativity lever is high, the motivation level as well... I think. Some people are feeling it is becoming too much AIESEC already, and that before we even have got started (!). No now I wasn't fair, some people have been having high activity since day one. So I can understand that feeling. Many of us feel that we have unbalance in our lives between AIESEC and school. That is not good, that is not sustainable.

So now the week has started, and that at full-speed from the beginning. We have to get the konference team to start working, and to choose an OCP. Two people have shown interest, I will speak with them tomorrow and see if they have what it takes and if they know what it will require from them, in terms of time and effort and responsability. So that I will fix tomorrow, and the rest of the OC on wednesday.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with the project managers, just to coordinate and to set expectations a bit, between themselves and me, etc. I also need to make sure they start the work.

Besides this I might have to maybe give a hand to my TM about the job descriptions. I also have to book training with Joao and LC-visit with Joanna. Also develop the task-forces we have been speaking about (communicating AIESEC+ social ativities). And yeah, write down the expectations we set today, put down the minutes and send out wednesday the latest, and yes some thing else I think. Oh and the one2one-talks! Shit, that too! I need to get it planned by wednesday I think.... But the business cards are at least ordered by now.

Puh.
It has REALLY started by now. And it is amazing; Even if I just would do just the very very most important, like the minimum, the time would hardly be enough! And to be ambitious and to try to give your best, there is not time for that!
I ENVY the LCPs that have this as their full-time job. You lucky bastards! I am having SO much things to do, all the time, totally busy. But I am loving every second of it. And what a nice feeling... To feel that you are totally in control of everything, even though

My team is must wonderful and it was surpringsingly how HAPPY I became when we did some AIESEC-dances after the meeting. And yes, they are totally in for an AIESEC-dance session after the next LC-meeting. :) Also I am very happy that we finally managed to book a day for teambuilding! yay!!
Me I have to become more tolerant and more patient.

Challenges coming up: accountability, how to structure that up? A question I will that discuss with the P-team (LCPs + MCP) And, develop a system for how to make team efforts, and to level of the work among the team when some people are having too much to do. How do I make sure we all contribute the same amount?
I left the office 21.40. Well. We have a nice office. ;-)

Sleep.

Gnight. I will probably dream abut AIESEC. I do it often nowadays. Good or bad sign? :D

My saturday

I've slept a lot today, despite the fact that I have TONS to study, or more precisely a thesis I've hardly started on yet and the deadline is just getting closer...

So yes I've been sleeping, I am a bad person. To prevent even more sleepiness I've been AIESEC-dancing! Youtube has helped me with the moves when I didn't remember, but I must say I am quite good by now. I will have and AIESEC dance-session for my LC, I know people that could need some training... IF they want of course.


I haven't been AIESECing so much today, which has been good beacuse that was my plan. I spoke with a member asking about the OC, but that is the most practical AIESECing I've done... But I have been thinking, of course. A lot about one discussion that has been going on a lot on APW and since we came home. The way of how we show and communicate AIESEC.

The dances, for example. In Sweden I don't know any LC that dance during local activities. I know SU/KTH did once some years back. And I've been thinking if we do wrong in hiding such a basic part of our culture, the AIESEC culture? The dances come to you like a shock at your first conference, and the first day you just "what the heck....!!" but then you come to love them. I did. Must mornings when I've been tired at the conferences the dances are the only thing that gives me my energy back after a hard night's partying, and during APW I was wondering to myself "Why don't people do this everywhere?". Imagine, before the lectures at the uni or in the parlament when they open their plenary... :D Well lucky for us they don't, then it wouldn't be so unique for us! (I know KTH have something similar but that doesn't count). But I still think we are a bit too afraid, we are hiding one part of ourselves that might attract the right people to us. Yes, the dances are not very... professional, but they show our life-loving culture and our playful attitude towards work and that we are young and restless and believe in combining hard work with hard play... We leave no first-timer at a conference with the doubt that we do both, and really good. No newie thinks less of us after seen us dancing at a conference. Why would it be so much different at LC-level? We can still be professional AND playful, we can be serious AND dance Tunak Tunak. Maybe it is time that we show both parts already at the LC-meetings? I don't know but I want a discussion.

There are other things we need to change I thing, try new methods and see what works. Recruitment this autumn, we want MANY good members but how do we attract them? Maybe by dancing more, maybe.. ;-) We also need to work on how we show AIESEC to others. Stop the "fuzzy" words, for example, and be more concrete. It is obvious that we need to work out some strategy, and people, specially my leadership team is eager to make things better. We just have to sit down and do the thinking, and structure it up. There are so many ideas, all worth to be tried on. How to best facilitate such a discusion, I haven't figured out yet... I spread the "Recruit a friend"- idea on wednesday, I got good response. Something to develop.

Many things have been in one way just because they have "always been like that". If we don't want to change them at least we need to have the discussion about why.

So, my first LCP-week is ended, I survived, my team is still whole and I think they still like me :D . I just feel I don't have the time I need for all I need/want to do within my post. So many ideas, so little time! And my thesis, I REALLY need to get it finished this semester!

And one2one-talks, feels I wont have time for them all the weeks that are left! :S And that is a part I REALLY care about! ut well, which part isn't? It is hard to choose among equally important tasks. It is impossible!

*deep breath*

Back to my thesis. I'll stop thinking about AIESEC for abit, if that is possible. I'll just do some AIESEC dancing first. All alone.

AIESEC everywhere

So, we had planning weekend last weekend. And it was GOOD. We now have adirrection, and a focus, or actually 4 of them but yeah, still focuses...

I now it's for real now. The LC is in our hands. It took some time to understand that we decide now. Doesn't matter what others have said, it's up to us now. Power with responsibility. It's really cool .

I was impressed by my team. They are all driven and committed individuals, and it will be a pleasure to work with them. Not unchallenging, but still a pleasure. This weekend I saw them growing in their roles for real. Now we have to make all work towards same direction, towards the same goals and see that everything is connected. But I have the expectations that we will do just fine, and better. With hard work. It's so cool people believing in us. Thank you for that! We wont make anyone disappointed ;-)

I am very excited about this year (sound like it's not my first time saying that..).

When it comes to me... As I have tried to explain to some individuals, I feel a bit... lost.
;-)

But I'm working on it.

Do not have more time now, have to prepare some AIESEC-thingies, and go to a lecture, and well, it's LC-meeting tonight and I've barely made the agenda.. :S

Today

Today, after the LC-meeting, I got to keep the LCP-key for the office.
Wow.

This was the last LC-meeting for Safa and her team. Next LC-meeting is our.
Yes, I am scared. It feels wonderful.
The last weeks it has just been accelerating. The work, the responsabilities. I remember for two weeks ago being frustrated for not getting enoguh responsability. For not being busy enough.
I should just had shut up and enjoy the vacantions...
I feel I am starting to getting warm, to start thinking in different ways.. As an LCP, maybe? Maybe. There is so much to do, and so many things on my mind.

And I am not acting sustainibly. I am not getting balance in my life. I am very unmotivated when it comes to my studies. And AIESEC-stuff ARE so much funnier, really. Oh well... So I am not leading by example, not living according to my (and AIESEC's) values. But I am working on that, I am!

Oh yeah, and I have experienced some frustration within the communication field. Oh my, it's goin to be a challenge this year.
LOL.
What wont?

To be or not to be

a bitch.


Yes my dear colleague, this is all for you and about what you told me the other day. I didn't have the chance to tell you how much I recognised myself in what you said. This about being a bitch.

I think one of the hardest part of all this, for me at least, is going to be about daring to make people dislike you a bit, at least for the moment. I always want all people to like me. Who doesn't want that? But as a leader, you sometimes have to be that bitch beacuse there will be moments when there is no way out. When you have to be clear with disappointments and unapprovals. When you have to communicate bad stuff. I know times like that will come, and I've been warned: It will be hard. People will hate you. For a bit. Til they understand your reasons for acting a certain way.

An incident in my leadership team recently gave me a bit of a taste of how it is going to be later. Just a little bit, just a smaller incident. But that was enough to feel it is going to be hard to hard.

Really hard. But I'll learn. That's what they say. I will have to act as a bitch some days. But people might not stop liking me because of that!

But I'll learn...

I'll learn so many things this year, can hardly wait.
;-)

After elections

I have a whole EB!
yay!
And three great PMs!
wihhuu!

I held the elections, kind of chairing it. I made a lousy presentation and acted a bit confused I think. But well, I have got another year to practise til next time I have to hold eletions again.

This last weeks I have been facing myself and my ghosts and my issues a lot. So what I was told about, it has already started. Last night was one of the moments I had to face myself. I know it wasn't the last one.

Not by far.

And I'm thinking too much maybe. I got the advise yesterday: Don't think too much.

So all my issues, what about them? I am suppose to share here, I know.... And I will.
To be continued..

There are reasons

I was reminded about something important today. There are reasons to why the person on this position is me and not someone else. There are reasons, and at first I couldn't come up with any... But of course there are some...

Home from transition-meeting

Always surprised by how fast 4 hours can just past by. Safa has so much to share, all our talkings have felt great (I am so glad I have her). For every time I feel more secure and confident. Yes, there will be challenges but I will overcome them.

Among a lot of other things, we spoke about bonding in the team, how to do that in mine I don't know. I need to get to know the individuals in it first, what their needs are in this subject. We also spoke about how great it is to have good contact with the others in the LCP-team, to share things with them and that it should be a giving-taking-relationship. Inputs from others are crucial, I get that. I will be first in line to share things, I just need to get to know the others a bit first.

Tomorrow I will hold some of the LC-meeting. I am preparing for it now. Exciting!
:-)

I shared Valborg- preparation with my EB-elects. I mailed them today. No response! Gah! Ok, it wasn't any important but still. I better do it myself, then.

Our interns are fine, and that is great. They will come to the LC-meeting tomorrow!

LCPeace to you all!
;)

Three photos

5 generations of LCPs:
2008/2009 Gabi
2007/2008 Safa
2006/2007 Martina
2005/2006 Joanna
2004/2005 Emma



My dear LC!! (thanks simon for the pic!)



Me and the other LCP elects of Sweden

National Conference, the last weekend, it took me almost three days to fully recover from it.
It was my first conference as LCPe, and as such I had more responsability, I was chief of the Uppsala delegation and had to make sure everyone were ok and kept the spririt up. This last thing was the easiest one I think, Uppsala have no problems with the spririt as I see it... :) My LC is wonderful! We got like 4 awards at the Official Dinner.

I experienced some harder moments, when I sometimes got frustrated or disappointed by myself when I didn't behave as the person and/or the leader I wanted to be. It is frustrating not beeing perfect.. ;-). I have so much to work on, and it was good to notice it this conference when I wasn't really alone yet but I had Safa there. Next conference I will be totally on my own.
I experienced that many more people "saw" me now, that I was more watched and I think that was true and totally logical. It's just something I'll have to get used to. This is totally connected with behaving as a role model 24/7, at conferences as least.

Another thing I felt, is lonelyness. Not for long but I felt it. I didn't know whom to turn to, when I was feeling all negative and all just... tired. This time I called an "external", a non-aiesec friend, we had a talk and then I was fit for fight again. But later that very day I realized in that I am not at all alone, that there are people to turn to. But it took me that bus ride to feel that.

It was cool meeting the other newly elected LCPs! They all feel like nice, cool people, can't wait to get to now them better! And even COOLER was it to meet my past 4 generations of LCPs of Uppsala. There were all there, at the same party! And they are all competent and great women. It felt mangificent to be around them, and a tremendous honor to get the chance to be the next in line. What a great legacy! I will not turn you down, guys, I will do my best. All of them had won either the "LC of the year"-award or "Excellence in leadership"-award.

So, in whole, the conference was great. It gave me some things to think about, I had some good learning points and I got strengthened by the appreciation I got and by the things that I did good, and also of course by my lovely LC... I feel a lot more secure about this. It's going to be great, and I'll do great because I'll put all my heart in it. Now, I am just waiting to start working, to get my whole team and to receive all knowledge I can get from Safa.

This weekend is very speciall to us here in my LC. This weekend our EPs finally arrived! We are all very excited!

Cold water

The 15th this month I felt a glass-full of water pouring down over my head, the ritual we have within AIESEC when we elect our leaders. I was now one of them! I felt shocked, first because of the cold water and a second later when realising what just had happened. The whole election process I had been doubting and (as always) really critical about my performance that day so I did expect the worst, of course... I couldn't believe that it was happening to me, it felt unreal.

When the worst part of the shock passed it was time to focus on the candidates' speaches and to give them confidence... They got it, of course. Then the process to put together a team... By then I felt exhausted, the aftermath of the day's all nervousness and shock, it all came down on me. I put together the last piece of strength I had left by then and after some discussion we chose 2 of my team the people I am going to work closely with for the next year, and 2 PMs. They also got wet, of course, no leader escapes the water, hehe. So now I've got 2 team-members, but I need 5. We have 1 more that is almost ready, but the last 2 ones... I am a bit nervous for this. But still, Safa, the current LCP, says I shouldn't worry, it's not unusual to have an incomplete team. And that's truth, no LCP i Sweden has got their full team yet. I still got one month to find the rest. And she's right of course. I've got one month to find them. But where to look, I am not sure.

Anyway, that Saturday ended with PARTY, of course. I was deadly tired and slowly I started to understand all the impressions from the day. My thoughts were a mess and went something like this: "What have I done? Oh my god, this is real! Fuck, I don't know how to do this! Safa, don't EVER leave me! Shit this is huge! Can I do this? I can do this! But gaaaaah! What have I done?" etc...

Now, it's a week later and I am calmer, more confident. I've had some more talking, more thinking. I have finally been able to sleep, and rest. I feel that I have the situation under control again. I have a plan for how I am going to get all the knowledge I need. I have one month to prepare, and that is pretty much if you think about it (?). I can do this. I still feel "gaaah" about it, though, but I think it is ok as long as I don't freak out about it anymore. Making some progress, I am! :D Actually, I can't wait to start my transition and learn more and gain more confidence. I also cannot wait to get to know the other LCPs and the MC. And I cannot wait to start my term. This is all going to be so exciting.

The weeks before the election, at WENA LDS and after, I experienced that many people believed in me, even when me myself doubted. That is cool, but actually, it's not. I should be the one with the strongest belief in myself but that is not the case right now.

Time to start doing that.