Cold water

The 15th this month I felt a glass-full of water pouring down over my head, the ritual we have within AIESEC when we elect our leaders. I was now one of them! I felt shocked, first because of the cold water and a second later when realising what just had happened. The whole election process I had been doubting and (as always) really critical about my performance that day so I did expect the worst, of course... I couldn't believe that it was happening to me, it felt unreal.

When the worst part of the shock passed it was time to focus on the candidates' speaches and to give them confidence... They got it, of course. Then the process to put together a team... By then I felt exhausted, the aftermath of the day's all nervousness and shock, it all came down on me. I put together the last piece of strength I had left by then and after some discussion we chose 2 of my team the people I am going to work closely with for the next year, and 2 PMs. They also got wet, of course, no leader escapes the water, hehe. So now I've got 2 team-members, but I need 5. We have 1 more that is almost ready, but the last 2 ones... I am a bit nervous for this. But still, Safa, the current LCP, says I shouldn't worry, it's not unusual to have an incomplete team. And that's truth, no LCP i Sweden has got their full team yet. I still got one month to find the rest. And she's right of course. I've got one month to find them. But where to look, I am not sure.

Anyway, that Saturday ended with PARTY, of course. I was deadly tired and slowly I started to understand all the impressions from the day. My thoughts were a mess and went something like this: "What have I done? Oh my god, this is real! Fuck, I don't know how to do this! Safa, don't EVER leave me! Shit this is huge! Can I do this? I can do this! But gaaaaah! What have I done?" etc...

Now, it's a week later and I am calmer, more confident. I've had some more talking, more thinking. I have finally been able to sleep, and rest. I feel that I have the situation under control again. I have a plan for how I am going to get all the knowledge I need. I have one month to prepare, and that is pretty much if you think about it (?). I can do this. I still feel "gaaah" about it, though, but I think it is ok as long as I don't freak out about it anymore. Making some progress, I am! :D Actually, I can't wait to start my transition and learn more and gain more confidence. I also cannot wait to get to know the other LCPs and the MC. And I cannot wait to start my term. This is all going to be so exciting.

The weeks before the election, at WENA LDS and after, I experienced that many people believed in me, even when me myself doubted. That is cool, but actually, it's not. I should be the one with the strongest belief in myself but that is not the case right now.

Time to start doing that.